License:
Available for World Premiere (UA)
Cast:
1 Female
1 Non-binary
4 Male
1 Female
1 Non-binary
4 Male
Band:
variable
Audio Samples:
One in a Million
Vocals: Marcel Miska
Musik & Lyrics: Marcel Miska
I'm Suki
Vocals: Marcel Miska
Musik & Lyrics: Marcel Miska
I see you everywhere
Vocals: Marcel Miska
Musik & Lyrics: Marcel Miska
Love is a Battlefield Goodbye
Vocals: Marcel Miska
Musik & Lyrics: Marcel Miska
Work
Vocals: Marcel Miska
Musik & Lyrics: Marcel Miska
Hot Fondue
Vocals: Marcel Miska
Musik & Lyrics: Marcel Miska
BEST IN TOWN! YOUR HOTLINE
Book
Jo Quirin
Music
Paul Glaser
Lyrics
Paul GlaserJo Quirin
Felix, a freshly graduated communications student, is thrilled to have landed a paid internship at a trendy media agency. In reality, though, it’s just a dull telemarketing job where he’s supposed to sell magazine subscriptions that nobody wants to read anymore. Pay is performance-based—meaning it depends on the number of subscriptions he sells.
The call center “Callstar” seems to be a dead-end for individual misfits who apparently no longer stand a chance on the primary job market. There’s Kuno, the chubby man in his mid-forties who practically begs for every subscription; Vladimir, who doesn’t even understand the script he reads; and finally Olli, who gets on everyone’s nerves with his constant complaining and bitchiness. He’s tolerated through gritted teeth because he has the best sales numbers—by wheedling the last cent out of elderly grandmothers. He is the declared favorite of the company owner Sahid, known as “the Buzzard.”
His boss, Bürem, is under pressure herself, because the sales figures are never good enough for her cousin Sahid.
Worse still, no one in her family is allowed to know that she is engaged to her German colleague Steffen. Because of a misdirected sex ad, a caller ends up on the line with Vladimir—and unintentionally receives exactly the service he has paid good money for. After some initial reluctance, they soon realize that these calls are far more lucrative than selling magazine subscriptions.
A dedicated hotline is set up quickly. Less quickly, they manage to find the right women for these kinds of calls. So “man” has no other choice—he has to step in as a “woman” himself. In the process, unexpected talents emerge in more than one colleague. And it turns out that men often make the better women—able to satisfy not only libido but also male fantasies and problems remarkably well “orally.” Business is “flowing”—in the truest sense of the word—until Sahid, who unintentionally uses his own company’s services, finds out what’s really going on. Deeply outraged, he fires everyone, but secretly plans to start a new company with “real women.” What he doesn’t count on is Bürem and her team.
Characters
Felix:
Playing age: 20–28; Character: Communications student / Narrator / Dominatrix Xenia
Bürem:
Playing age: 40–45;
Character: Team leader at the call center “Callstar” / Fatima from One Thousand and One Nights
Steffen:
Her partner, Bayer / Playing age: 40 / Character: Zenzi the bull rider
Vladimir:
Formerly an electrical engineer / Playing age: 40–55 / Character: Valentina with double-D
Kuno*chen:
Formerly an accountant / Playing age: 45–50 / Character: Japanese schoolgirl Suki
Olli:
Queer character / Playing age: 50–65
Time & Place
A run-down call center in St. Pauli in autumn/winter 1998.
BEST IN TOWN! YOUR HOTLINE
Book
Jo Quirin
Music
Paul Glaser
Lyrics
Paul GlaserJo Quirin
Felix, frisch diplomierter Kommunikations-wissenschaftler, glaubt ein Praktikum in einer Medienagentur ergattert zu haben. Tatsächlich landet er im Callcenter „Callstar“ und soll nutzlose Zeitschriften verkaufen – Bezahlung nur nach Abschluss.
Das Team besteht aus gescheiterten Existenzen: Kuno, der sich Abos erbettelt, Vladimir, der kaum versteht, was er vorliest, und Olli, ein Nörgler mit den besten Zahlen, weil er alten Damen das Geld abknöpft. Firmenchef Sahid, genannt „der Bussard“, liebt ihn dafür. Leiterin Bürem leidet unter Druck durch Sahid und hält ihre Verlobung mit dem deutschen Kollegen Steffen geheim.
Als durch eine fehlgeleitete Sexannonce plötzlich lukrative Anrufe eingehen, beschließt das Team, eine eigene Hotline zu gründen. Mangels Personal müssen die Männer selbst in Frauenrollen schlüpfen – mit erstaunlichem Erfolg. Der Laden boomt, bis Sahid zufällig selbst Kunde wird und die Täuschung entdeckt. Empört kündigt er allen, will jedoch heimlich mit echten Frauen ein neues Geschäft starten. Doch Bürem und ihr Team haben eigene Pläne.
License:
Available for World Premiere (UA)
Cast:
1 Female
1 Non-binary
4 Male
Band:
variable
Audio Samples:
One in a Million
Vocals: Marcel Miska
Musik & Lyrics: Marcel Miska
I'm Suki
Vocals: Marcel Miska
Musik & Lyrics: Marcel Miska
I see you everywhere
Vocals: Marcel Miska
Musik & Lyrics: Marcel Miska
Love is a Battlefield
Vocals: Marcel Miska
Musik & Lyrics: Marcel Miska
Work
Vocals: Marcel Miska
Musik & Lyrics: Marcel Miska
Hot Fondue
Vocals: Marcel Miska
Musik & Lyrics: Marcel Miska
Characters
Felix:
Playing age: 20–28; Character: Communications student / Narrator / Dominatrix Xenia
Bürem:
Playing age: 40–45;
Character: Team leader at the call center “Callstar” / Fatima from One Thousand and One Nights
Steffen:
Her partner, Bayer / Playing age: 40 / Character: Zenzi the bull rider
Vladimir:
Formerly an electrical engineer / Playing age: 40–55 / Character: Valentina with double-D
Kuno*chen:
Formerly an accountant / Playing age: 45–50 / Character: Japanese schoolgirl Suki
Olli:
Queer character / Playing age: 50–65
Time & Place
A run-down call center in St. Pauli in autumn/winter 1998.
Creative Team
Jo Quirin
Book, Lyrics
Jo Quirin was born in Bassenheim.. After graduating from high school in 1987 and completing civil service, he studied German literature at the University of Essen..
In 1991, he moved to Hamburg to study acting and musical theatre, graduating with a diploma in 1994. This was followed by 60 productions across Europe—ranging from Brecht and Bernstein to Kander and Ebb and Rostand. From the Hamburg Kammerspiele to the Kassel State Theatre and the Residenztheater in Munich. His credits include BUDDY HOLLY, CYRANO DE BERGERAC, CHICAGO, THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS, MARIA STUART, MOZART_IN SOTTO VOCE, LA CAGE AUX FOLLES, LES MISÉRABLES, LUDWIG2, PETER PAN, SILK STOCKINGS, SWEET CHARITY, WIZARD OF OZ and WEST SIDE STORY.
He has worked with renowned directors such as Matthias Davids, Stefan Huber, Melissa King, Jerôme Savary, Katja Wolf and Wolfram Mehring. Alongside his stage work, he regularly works as a choreographer, assistant stage director, and coach, and since 2013 as a freelance director and author.
Even after 30 years on and for the stage, joy, mutual respect and passion for this world remain central to him—true to Billy Wilder’s motto: “You must not bore!” He develops new theatre concepts and brings them to the stage.
In 2019, the musical SHERLOCK HOLMES – NEXT GENERATION celebrated its successful world premiere in Hamburg and Munich and went on a Germany tour in autumn 2022. From 2019 to 2023, he served as artistic director of the Nuremberg Musical Company. There, as author and director, he successfully brought the musicals SEELENHÄNDLER, EFFI BRIEST and DAS KALTE HERZ to the stage. A former professional figure skater and roller skater, he has worked as a coach since 2000. As choreographer and trainer, he has led several skaters to the top of the world. In summer 2022, he was engaged as coach and choreographer for the new TV format SKATE FEVER – STARS ON ROLLER SKATES.
His directing work and productions have taken him internationally to Shanghai (China), Daegu (South Korea) and Qingdao (China).
EFFI BRIEST – THE MUSICAL took him to Daegu, South Korea in 2023, where his production earned two nominations (Best Musical / Best International Musical).
Paul Glaser
Music, Lyrics
Paul Glaser is an award-winning Swedish director, composer, and writer with roots in theatre, dance, and music. He trained at the Royal Swedish Ballet School in Stockholm, where he studied classical dance as well as music and acting.
After a successful stage career across Europe—with roles such as Tony in WEST SIDE STORY, Jack in INTO THE WOODS, and Rum Tum Tugger in CATS—he increasingly shifted his focus to directing and composing.
As a composer and author, he developed, among other works, the musical PEGGY (book, music, and direction) and TRE KVINNOR (music and lyrics), wrote six musicals in collaboration with Christian Berg, and worked for the Friedrichstadt-Palast Berlin and the Mendelssohn Choir.
Since 2018, Paul Glaser has served as Artistic Director of the English Theatre of Hamburg. His adaptation of Charles Dickens’ GREAT EXPECTATIONS—for which he wrote the book and music and directed—was celebrated by audiences and critics alike.
Whether drama, musical theatre, or original compositions, Paul Glaser combines precision, musical expressiveness, and a clear narrative signature—shaping theatre work that is as compelling as it is distinctive.